Lack of Posting

Since school has started, I've been a bit busy. I only go twice a week but still that's five hours on Monday & Wednesday's. I'm taking Environmental Biology 119 and Math 118, and at the moment Math is harder. I know that comes with the territory when taking another math class but.. man, it's about Logic at the moment.. and no use numbers yet which is driving a bit nuts. Besides my life has hardly any real Logic in it.. Make some sense is all I ask.

Biology is interesting though.. I just find it kind of funny that the professor looks like an artist or an art professor who I'd expect to see walk into my parents Gallery when I was a kid.

Emotionally, I've been kind of blah.. but really, really am missing yoga. I've been searching around for some DVDs to possibly buy and get back into the groove of doing Yoga again.. I don't know if I'll actually be able to commit to it and I know it'll lack the better feeling of being in class.. but I'm desperate.. I'm a poor college kid, work with me here, folks!

I did find a class in Hatha yoga that's at our school. Tomorrow I'm going to work on contacting the school or stopping by to see how I can sign up for it.. and if financial aid pays.

Otherwise, the building I live in is doing a newsletter and I'm on the committee. It's kind of nice to be a little involved here. I should do that in school as well - I need to work on signing up for tutoring so I don't fail either one of my classes this semester.

Mom's Cooking

Unfortunately I don't have a picture of the lovely meal she made for me on Friday night. But I do have a photo of the mess she left behind:

When I added hot water to the pot after adding the soap.. it made a nice heart shape..




Saturday I did nothing but sleep. So today I got up to clean that mess of hers.. And Viola:



Today, unfortunately I'm feeling really crabby.. not sure why. But I do intend on remedying the crankiness by heading out for a long bike ride after I shower.. I just put on a much more comfortable seat because the one the bike came with does not do well on long rides.

Fun stuff huh? I have a week left before school and it's driving me nuts sometimes because I've been having some crazy dreams lately.. Probably the stress of it all.

Inspection

So I passed inspection, thankfully. The funny thing was, I had a bunch of deaf friends over and we were chatting and I was scanning some stuff.. all sorts of things. Of course it made the waiting game a bit long but it was worthwhile.

I can't believe how tired I feel right now when I went into a deep sleep from about 10am to 3 or 4pm? Lisa, her son Andy, his girlfriend Yesi and I were all going to go play Paintball but the weather was predicting thunderstorms by early afternoon, and it was ugly that morning. Then we decided to cancel and go tomorrow.

Then I went back to sleep and just loved being in a deep sleep. I don't sleep too deeply very often and just wanted to stay there. I haven't been feeling all that great either so I thought "oh for god's sake, leave me alone!" but then by 4pm, I was up and actually doing pretty well.. Now I'm tired again.

I'm betting it's the storm that's on the way otherwise.. I'm all good.

I know I sound incredibly boring but I just can't get over how fast time is going and school starts in two weeks! YIKES!

Guzzling coffee again

So, I got up an hour ago.. really reluctantly since I turn off my alarm when I set it for.. 8am [it's past 11 now as I'm writing this.] Yes, I'm very behind for the finishing touches. My girlfriend and I made a ton of progress and I vowed to finish it.
I'm also playing on the eMac my girlfriend and I traded.. She's taking the iMac, I'm taking the eMac. Wow! I have a bigger screen! It's pretty wild on this eMac.

So, I'll take some pix of my progress and.. hey, it's fun Shannon! Get the kids to do it, they'll learn to love it at some point :D

I'm actually nervous but since the current manager was finally Fired, there's a little less tension in the air.

Guzzling coffee

I'm not one to guzzle my coffee down - even on my busy days, I just can't drink it down like water.. but today I am because I NEED TO CLEAN! Later I'll post a messy picture.. and then a clean picture. Sound good?

Sure it does! Cheer me on here folks!

EDIT: PICS AND A QUICK VIDEO.. I've never posted a video before so this is my first time... hope it's okay and not too boring! The music you hear in the background is a bootleg of tori amos concerts from a gig she did in Chicago back in 2003 on August 10.. and I believe I was there? I can't remember at the moment.. too much coffee in my system to think straight. But I think I was.. because it was the Auditorium theatre which I despise.

Never mind, there was an error in uploading the video.. ah well. the pix are enough.

My Birthday Was A Good Day.

I've definitely had one of the best birthdays in a long while.. There wasn't anything planned. The weather was great though! Lisa and I headed to Baskin Robbins for my free birthday scoop. Then to Starbucks for a Mocha Frappicino and she got a Carmel Frap.

Then headed to my place so I can wash up, change my shirt.. take my meds so my feet don't bother me too much. Then went to mom's house. My mom can be a bit funny because as I was heading down Keeler, I called her and said "I'm almost there, hope you're dressed.." She suddenly said "But I was going to come see you..!" "Mom, I love you, but you never come when you say you will." Anyway.. I got some birthday money that I haven't spent on tattoos or anything. Took my beloved Rocque [pronounced like Rocky] for a walk. I have to get him a new leash and collar and a new name tag. Apparently he got loose sometime recently and instead of giving the dog to some other woman with his leash and collar, she took it off! Why, I have no idea.

Anyway, I didn't have any major expectations for my birthday.. especially with gifts. Of course, there are things I want like.. the Gilmore Girls: The Complete Series Collection and Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Chosen Collection.

Those two things were on my birthday wish list.. Otherwise, the best gift was having a girlfriend and.. just having a relaxing day outdoors and around the city. I did try to see Jackie but there were some communication errors and nothing panned out.. She neglected to tell me that the hospital her father was in.. was in Maywood. If I knew that in the first place, I would never have gone out to Loyola University, assuming the hospital was there..

Anyway. It's all good. I'm keeping a cool mind. I didn't take any pictures though. My camera is just such a pain.. takes forever to get it going and it just feels exhausting to carry it around. I'm so shy with it around people..

Turning 28 on July 28 in 2008

Wow, wow, wow. I can't believe I'm 28. It doesn't really feel real..yet. And I have no plans whatsoever. I'm so used to just not having surprises.. or a party.. or friends clamoring around to wish me a happy birthday. I want a nice one of course, well wishes are always fun to hear and read..

My girlfriend is going to surprise me with some activity. I have no idea. I don't give great hints because it's kinda hard. I wish she would be creative.. and think outside the box but whatever she does for me, I'll love it just as much. I guess its just different when I'd love to do anything kind of fun but I'd also like to see her enjoy it and not run to the corner and play games on my sidekick.. I'm a tiny bit more of a social girl with her around but when she's hiding, then I feel bad she's not involved.. I don't know how to explain it. I'm a shy girl too and go through times where I'm too afraid to talk to people so I just .. go in the corner and hide.

Anyway, I went to a great social tonight at Mary's Attic on Clark. I'm really bad with neighborhood names so when I realized we were in Andersonville, I was a bit shocked. The main reason for going was for me to finally see Paul Glasor from Gallaudet. We were both freshmans way back when.. and it was just great to see him after years of not seeing him. We chatted a few times -- I told him that I finally passed math.. not at Gallaudet but still in college - I FINALLY made it to college level math! Plus, I helped him in English because his skills weren't great while he helped me in math. I still failed math..

Otherwise, I slept a ton today but still felt tired.. did my laundry.. forgot to call a friend on Ojo. But I'll get around to that.

Otherwise, I intend on visiting mom for a few birthday hugs and maybe some spending money. I need to check on her anyway.

Alive

Yes, I'm alive.. I just need to sit and think of what to write.. I've been trying to cook for myself and my girlfriend.. Sometimes we have a meal together, other times we order out.. But I usually cook. I've also been trying to do good with breakfast and not miss it because it's true, it's the most important meal of the day. The other thing is, I'm a vegetarian and she isn't. Lastly, we both get food stamps.. hers is less than mine at the moment but the point is, we're on a major budget. She goes to Aldi a lot and I will too sometimes but they're not really vegetarian friendly..

My parents were great cooks. My mom always put out a full meal that almost always had a salad.. Unfortunately, now that I live alone, cooking such a full meal doesn't seem... like fun.

In other news..

Physical Therapy has been good. I've been fantastic at showing up for every session and even a bit early!

I've been trying really hard to work on my abs.. I'm so sick of having a flabby middle.

I've got pictures but they're on my iMac and I'm using my iBook at the moment.

Just posting to say I'm alive.

Late Pride photos

I didn't take that many pictures this year but.. here are a few from this years Gay Pride Parade!:

Withdrawal Pains

I've been on Cymbalta for.. a few years and I have very few complaints but.. when you run out of cymbalta, that's a different story.

So, that's basically what happened, I ran out of it and was doing fine until today the withdraw symptoms just reared it's ugly head. It just a crappy day filled with dizziness, tiredness, weakness.. my thoughts weren't clear.. everything was just crashing.

But now Cymbalta is also known to be given for neuropathy.

Finally I had to make a call to my neurologist to let them know if the Lyrica was working.. I made the call.. a few hours later the doctor called me back. I told him that the Lyrica's working and learned I can take three during the day if I wish to because I was having a lot of pain the night before but already took my second pill and was debating taking a third. I told him that I ran out of Cymbalta and he immediately asked if he wanted me to make a call.. I definitely said yes and a few hours was given my Cymbalta back.

Apparently my psychiatrist was out of town. Well, gee, thanks for the note.

Just, physically and mentally, I was losing it. I went to the store and thought I was going to pass out at some point.. Tonight I am very tired and should be sleeping right now.. and I will be signing off as I have another doctor appointment tomorrow to get a picture taken of my eye.

Luckily I was starting to feel better around 9:30 tonight when it was maybe two hours after I took cymbalta.

Moral of the story: I HATE WITHDRAWAL PAINS!

Just a doctor, doctor, summer..

I know that might seem alarming or maybe even depressing but that is certainly my summer so far.

Today I went back to the Illinois Eye Institute for another, different, eye exam. I guess I misunderstood them when I thought they said they would dilate me this time.. I could've sworn I heard that but maybe something went wrong during that communication process.

They didn't dilate my eyes after all. They did a color test and a field of vision test. I did fine in both. They weren't too painful.

This is what I wasn't able to get all that clear the last time I was there -- I just wasn't understanding how to question the 'there's a scar.. somewhere.. related to my right eye.' The point of that was the nerve that is in your eye, or more in point, my right eye, and that connects to the brain.. that is more paler than the rest of my eye or compare it to my left, it's more paler. So basically blood flow isn't that good either. We're betting that this happened from the Meningitis. The reason for all these wacky tests is better to be safe than sorry. On friday, I get to go yet again and they will dilate my eyes and they'll take a lovely picture of it. That should be interesting. I wonder if I can get a copy?

After that was decided, I told Dr. Quann that I did see Dr. Shepard of Neurology. Told him, he said I have neuropathy. He gave me a referral to have an MRI done of my head (I think I've now officially had an MRI on almost every near-area of my body..) He also said to start requesting my medical records from when I was a patient at John Hopkins Bayview in Baltimore.

I was a little surprised by that as my primary at Northwestern said it would be difficult, if not impossible to receive said documents because I was a patient for so long. But I'll take a chance and see what comes up.

I picked out my new glasses.. and oddly enough, they won't be new. At least the frames won't. Apparently I picked the exact same pair I had on! Now that was funny. But still.. with Illinois Public Aid, it's going to take.. about two months. So when I start the fall semester, I might have them by then. Same goes for my hearing aids I believe.

Tomorrow I go downtown to Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago to get my leg braces fixed.. I hope we come up with solution to makes these feel less like combat boots and make them feel like actual shoes I can wear during the summer!

Then while I'm in the area, I'm going to get my referrals filled - one for the MRi and also see a pain specialist that Dr Quann also referred me to.. And they may even be able to alleviate my pain.. sometimes I have bad days or nights, sometimes not so difficult.. but I'm sick of just putting up with it.

The other thing for me, is even though I'm going to a million doctors lately, I finally feel like I'm thinking clearer and its not all going through my mom. Be that it took practically 6 years, its better than never. During the beginning of my recovery out of the hospital, all of my doctor appointments were accompanied by my mom. There's nothing wrong with that as I do invite her to a few appointments now a days, but before, doctors were telling her a better and more in depth explanation of what was going on and now I'm finally being told the full story and not given the short end of the stick.

Crap, I should be in the shower and on my way out the door in ... oh about five seconds. I'm just not moving too fast... I'm enjoying my coffee, finished my cereal and now my to do list is starting to bunch a wall.. it's not a bad to do list, just your daily needs and yet I'm sitting here typing. pfft.

Gone now.

Ugh

I'm sitting here with my Angel bear Hope.. I didn't have any proper meals today at all. I grabbed a banana nut muffin on the way to an appointment, then several hours after, I had some chips and dip. Apparently, I'm not feeling well from that.. Not even an hour after having those chips and dip, my tummy spit it out with diarrhea. So of course I'm feeling a bit crappy tonight. After that bout in the bathroom, I conked out for four hours, then another four after that.. boy my sleep is screwed.

My day wasn't too much of a downer though.. I sold my keyboard.. I never use it like I wish I would.. so I made $40 out of that.

And on late sunday night I got an iMac! It's nothing of the brand new variety but I've wanted a back up computer in case anything goes wrong with my iBook. Of course, while I spend my last two semesters going bonkers and freaking out over studying with a huge desire to PASS everything.

.. I want chocolate... :)

A long story and stuff.

While my girlfriend, Lisa is sleeping.. I've decided to upload some photos.. Shannen, my.. cousin [not sure how this all works.. your dad is my moms first cousin.. he's my second.. what does that make you? Nothing? NEVER!] And her lovely husband made some shelves for her, I mentioned that I should upload some photos of my CD shelves.. and the wonders of a dollar. Yes, folks, you can get something for a dollar!



A few years ago before a yard sale here at my building, I spent the entire night going through over 200 CDs, taking them out of their cases as well as the artwork and putting them all in those big CD books. And then one day, starting a few months ago.. I got a little crazy and made this.

Interestingly enough, I surely did not sell them all.. One thing I noticed is I can put all the goodies I want in these little squares but the problem is keeping them there. So I went to Walgreens and realized they had the perfect size little bins to put stuff in and organize those CD shelves! Voila:



Here's some more fun:



Those little bins sell for four for a dollar and come in clear, white and silver colors. As well as several other sizes.



These bright colored cable ties, I got at the dollar store are great for things that you don't use too often or need to unravel too often because once you've got something "tied' you have to cut it.. So the alternative to something computer cords, your webcam or camera reader.. etc is this one below:



That has velcro and that's great for things you use often.

The other day I went with Lisa to her doctor appointment. She's deaf and for the first time, I think, she's requested an interpreter at her appointment. She usually had her son go with her. Now, I wasn't born and raised in Deaf Culture, but if and when I ask for an interpreter, I always hope for a really smooth signer. A few I've seen and even had myself, were not too smooth. But they need the job and they're learning and I give them credit.. I'm just glad I was there. I've been to soooo many doctor appointments since getting Meningitis that I hate to have any confusion or uncertainty for any one else.. Even if it's just a check up. I just want it to go smoothly.. It did.. I just jumped in occasionally when I noticed the interpreter not making the right connections with what Lisa was saying ..

If I'm being confusing, I apologize, but I realize as I'm typing this that it might be because I'm used to her and her signing but then again I'm a bit of a smart alec and tend to push for my way..

The long off point is, on the way there I took some interesting photos while going through the alley:

The Home Stretch

I am finally two semesters away from graduating from College! I'm working for an Associates just so I can finally feel like I've made it through school.. and I think I'll transfer to a University to get a Bachelors in Social Work.

I registered for two classes this fall - Biology 119 and Math 118. I'll be going Monday's and Wednesdays with three days off to kick my butt into a good little student and actually do well on exams.

During the spring semester I'll take two more classes - Psychology 221 and Astronomy 101 or something.... and finally, finally, finally get a degree in my hands!

I am seeing a Neurologist tomorrow.. or today being it's almost 2am when I'm writing this... hopefully this guy will help with a bunch of nerve-y pains and sensations that I've gotten on and off for the last 6 years and I've about reached my breaking point of dealing with it.. Help please would be nice... wish me luck.

Doctor, doctor

I went to the eye doctor on Wednesday. I have a scar on my right eye..somewhere. It's funny because I'm always saying "my right eye is stronger" when during this test I realized.. it isn't. My left eye was obviously stronger. But then when I learned
about the scar, it all made a bit of sense. We just don't know if it's from the bacterial meningitis or the fact that I was born nearly three months premature. It's nothing that I want to get too concerned about - even though I have to go back on the 25th.

I already have such a busy doctor summer.. Kind of depressing but remember, I AM OK so it's not like I'm trying to find out why my stomach hurts or something. I am seeing a neurologist on Thursday.. I've had problems in terms of nerves or weird sensations for the last 6 and a half years and it's really getting annoying this year. Mom wants to come, she wants to see what they say.. I'm going to have her sleep over since I can never trust her to meet me anywhere at a specific time.

Everytime I call her, I have to let it ring more than 6 times. She's figured out that collectors call and by 6 rings, they hang up. If it's more than 6, she knows it's not them. Anyway, I've been trying to call her on and off everyday because we've been wanting to meet but.. she doesn't answer.. and I can't always get up the courage to face the house. It's such an embarrassing mess.. I can't stand it.

Obviously today was fathers day.. I miss my dad. He was a cool guy to say the least. Despite the hardships we had, I do have some great memories of him and I can't list them all or I'll just cry.

Tomorrow I have to go to school, finish the financial aid thing they need and try to register for some fall classes. I have a few in mind and hope I can get them all in as well as keep my Fridays off again.

Yet I just cry about it..

I had the hardest time getting to UIC today.. it was another dr appointment with a different plastic surgeon.

Being hard of hearing is really difficult.. I had a hard time hearing him - what is with these surgeons? Do they get together and work on speaking so terribly? I requested an interpreter when I made this appointment two weeks ago.. And then I sat in the waiting area for over an hour before finally being called in.

I don't know why but the word "defeated" keeps coming to mind and that's not what it is - is it?

The appointment was okay.. as long as I wasn't photographed like I was last time I guess that's a plus. But he basically said that I have to pick one thing that I want to be changed.. the first thing being the "shark bite" in my shoulder.. I don't have any pictures unfortunately.. but if I decide on that then he can go in depth about how he would do this.. What the recovery time would be like.. etc

There were mentions about physical therapy to try to get some muscles in my legs working.. [I think?]

The thing I had a difficult time understanding was not getting at least a general picture of what he could do for me and then zoom in on specific areas.. I just didn't get anything that said "yes I can help you".. it just felt more like "I can't help you."

As soon as the door closed I just started to cry. The nurse was nice to explain what I wasn't getting which was this appointment was like a consult and he could go into more specifics when I pick one thing.

Getting the bus was terrible from downtown. Why the hell the site didn't say to go to Michigan Ave is beyond me - instead it told me to get the #4 at Washington & State. Anyway, getting back home was of course easier than getting there.

After rushing to the Belmont bus, Lisa told me about going to her cousins for some drinking and playing chess. I just didn't want to go.. I was in no mood to be social.. So she came by to get some money and decided to not go to the little gathering anyway and actually let me cry this time.. I told her it did help this time to not be told to 'stop crying' and actually have her hold me and let me vent.

When I finally felt better, we went to Dunkin Doughnuts for a bagel and some pop. I'm running out of money really quickly and that's just depressing.. but I didn't have a lot here anyway.

Life is better in pictures..

I went to a carnival today but didn't really start taking photos until we left.. and then some when I got home..



My hallway outside my apartment.. our place is being worked on.




Me wearing a flower my girlfriend picked for me.,


A gas station by the bus stop..

Chocolate.. please?

Man, I'm sitting here after having a very pleasant night with my mommy.. We went to a nice little Thai restaurant near my apartment and now I want Chocolate.. I know this means I'm having my period soon.. kinda sucks since I need to go to bed early.. I might just cave and head to the store tonight.. Cus I need coffee too.

All's good.. little stressful with a friends medical emergency but she's doing well. :)

Going away now.

Work til the Sun comes up

Cloudy or not.. I'm still up.. I was mostly distracted on the web but then I finally got to work on my final Presentation for my Humanities class.

But here's some great news...

I PASSED PRE-CREDIT TWO MATH!! Next fall I get to take math 118! FINALLY. I am BEYOND thrilled for once to be doing well with math! I had a great teacher who started off with basics and worked our way up.. The interesting thing was a lot of the semester was very similar to Math 99 and a lot of what the teacher did, helped clear up SO MANY PROBLEMS I WAS HAVING! MAN! I am just thrilled to finally make a leap..

Now I am exhausted. Off for a few hours of sleep.

Finals... not fun

I have two final exams tomorrow. One is for my Physical Science class and the other is part two of my Math exam.

I'm hoping to do well on my math exam but I'm going to leave some studying as last minute since as a big theme in Hope tonight, I really hope to get a good nights sleep.

I have to get up early since I am going to WalMart tomorrow. I bought a bunch of bras and blindly picked the wrong size.

I wish I posted more often.. maybe when finals are done and I figure out what I'll be doing for the summer, I'll start posting a bit more often. :D

finally a good sunday start off.

I couldn't sleep last night.. not too much of a reason.. OK other than the unexpected drama from one of the people in my building, it wasn't really that keeping me up. It was certainly the full moon and I had too much pop so..

The point is, instead of tossing around for the entire day, I decided to go for a workout. I biked to Bally - a good 30 minutes, then did my weights on the machines, then walked around a little.. After all of that, I biked home. I should be conked out for a nap now but.. I don't think I will. Who knows.

I'm just glad I spent a Sunday working out instead of sulking inside doing the other things I will no doubt be tending to today... like homework for instance.

I have to write a lab summary, chapter review, get started on some papers.. watch Sweet Nothing In My Ear with Lisa. OK that's not homework but I am looking forward to that - as well as VP'ing with KAREN! I haven't seen or spoken to her for a LONG time.. Karen was an assistant coach at Gallaudet when I was on the Cross Country team and a very frequent visitor when I was in the hospital back in 2001-2002.

OK. Mind is blank. OH wait --- I went to see The Blue Man Group on Friday night! I loved it! I'd totally go again!

Hormonal? Possibly, maybe.

Yesterday I just finished my 10 day birth control and today.. I cried. I failed my third Physical Science exam. I did not intend on crying in the slightest but when trying to figure out why I'm doing so terrible on these tests seem to fall on deaf ears. I kept telling him "I'm not a science nerd but between the book, your lectures and the CD [that comes with the book] and these tests, nothing seems to match." He just eventually told me that each question is in the book. Confused, slightly, I told him there aren't any multiple choice questions in the book.. He never makes a study guide.. he thinks it's equivalent to his "free answers" in class.

Otherwise, he thought I was pushing myself too hard during my crying fit. I repeated my question for like the third time about some 30 points he's not been clear on.. only to finally have it pointed out that it's 2 chapters from the book. Oh. That. Plus I'll have the two summaries that I'll be working on this week. That's another 20 points.. to get a C in this class.. I need to get like 150 on the final. I can't get past 43 on the last three exams and I need an extra 100 points to make it on the final? Are ya kidding me!?

I tried getting a study session with the smart ass in the class.. It's a science nerd thing - they just say yes or no for an answer but that doesn't help me. I need background help - I don't know why it's that answer.. and she looks at me with some weird expression like I'm responding to her in sign language.

So to make my day not even the slightest bit better, my sign language interpreter can't show up for my math class. And there's no sub.. I can hear my teacher but I can't always understand him due to his accent.

We have a math quiz on Wednesday so hopefully I'll do OK.

Here's hoping tomorrow is better...

Busy life

I've been working really hard at keeping up with school the last few weeks. My Humanities teacher seems to like throwing in last minute "summary" assignments which makes it a little frustrating when we have other classes to keep on top of. But that is life of course. My math class is doing good.. I failed a recent quiz in math because I didn't do some of the homework which I'm fine with since I'm sure to not fail this class.

Stuff with my mom is chaotic.. I envy people who have good relationships with their parents. You're lucky to be so close to them and be as open to them. I was never too close to my parents.. my mom drinks and relapsed when I was 15. But before then, I was pretty close to her in general terms of trust. Then I had some great close moments with my beloved dad when he stayed with me at the hospital during the time I was sick.

Enough of that.. Today was good.. I didn't go outside though but I got mostly my science homework done.. I still need to do some math and humanities stuff.. but I'm feeling really weird so maybe I need a big computer break.

One of these days I should post pictures.. I'm sure that would be more entertaining!

Focus again.

It's so great that one session with a therapist can make a big difference. Friday I didn't do any homework.. Saturday night I got little bit of math done.. and some science as well, so it's nice to feel "sane" enough to do some homework. :)

Now I'm tired because I bought this new knitting loom thing to try to make a blanket.. or a scarf.. whatever. It took me a while to get the hang of it but I think I'm getting it! I just don't like that it's rolling up on the way out.. I'll have to take pictures tomorrow and post them to give an idea of what I'm talking about.

I'm just feeling better, it's a good thing.

Stressful, Long Week

I'm not going to go into too many details.. but I did have a really long week. By Wednesday night I felt like I've gone crazy. Oddly enough, no crying happened this week so consider it a good thing. I've just been feeling so out of control - spring break just wasn't long enough! I made it to most my classes but just had way too many moments where nothing felt OK. By Wednesday afternoon, all I could think about was getting home and staying in bed.. Thursday I made it to class, was a few minutes late but I made it.. I certainly kept my promise to myself to make it to my classes! I just couldn't focus on anything.. Luckily I had a great therapy session where I was able to vent all of my frustrations and she told me what I already knew but it seriously helps to actually hear it too. It's basically telling me I can't control everything and I shouldn't try.. and the fact that I haven't done any homework this week, it's OK. It's OK because tomorrow is another day. So.. today I felt pretty good for once! Tired strangely, but better than the four days before.

Other than that, I am seriously hoping for a good nights sleep, get up early, head out to a library maybe so my friend and I can get another museum card.. If no one has any then... I'll go by myself..

First Workout

I met with the trainer today.. I'm glad I went! It really helped solve some things and get me motivated to keep it up.. Now I just have to incorporate good foods and sleep.. and homework.

Ha,my legs are SORE. That was the first notion of pain.. it's a good pain of course.

Such a Mess

I hate having a cold that just feels like crap.. Last night was worse. I attempted to go out for a long walk but once I made it to Western, I just felt crappy. So I went to browse around Toys R Us, then thought about ordering Chinese and instead went to Dominicks, got a nice salad, Pita chips and some garden vegatable hummus. Made my way home and on the way there just felt more and more tired - like I'm just folding over. I can't bear to stand up straight and I just want to lay down. Finally got to my apartment, dropped my stuff, sat on the floor and ate. By the time I finished, I had a lovely headache, put on some Gilmore Girls on my computer and fell asleep.

By the way, before deciding to skip class because I suck at everything else as a college student, I enrolled in a Bank of America checking and savings account.

Today I woke up late, dragged my sorry ass out of bed, took a cab.. I made it to my science class and I could not focus on anything. I was so mentally gone today.. me and this other girl just copy off the girl that sits between us because I just suck. That's my word today. Suck. I might use that word so much that it will loose all meaning to you and anyone else that reads this.

At the moment as I'm updating this, I'm also doing a relay call with social security to let them know of my new checking account info.. and I'm going to wait til after the third of next month to make sure everything runs smoothly.. plus I'll have to call Bally after they take out this months payment.. all is fun really.

Anyway, I'm done with that call and now I need to just go away before my math class... At least the weather is getting better for once!

Spring is ALMOST here

Yesterday and today I noticed something interesting.. the SUN was out! Well, let me take that back - yesterday it was windy and big flurries came tumbling down but nothing stuck. Today the SUN was OUT! It was really nice!

I wasn't feeling well yesterday, just kind of weird. I don't know how to explain it but my body was definitely fighting the need to get sick but eventually had to let go. I've already been fighting a cold and a junky cough but it let loose over night. So I skipped my 2pm class to rest up for my 6pm math midterm. I think I did well for the math term.. I froze up for the last question - I kind of knew the answer but didn't know how to get it out.. I hate when that happens.. As far as I can tell, I believe I have two or three obvious wrong answers.. I know some of them I had an answer but I don't quite think I did it all correctly.

It's funny during the graphing, I was struggling with the first one because my points weren't lining up.. so I went to the next one, it wasn't a problem.. moved on and eventually headed back to my graph.. after redoing my points, I finally got a straight line!

I think I might actually pass my math class for once. I'm certainly doing a TON better than I ever have!

Spring break is next week! I can't wait to just hang out and go out! It's supposed to warm up finally and hit the 50s this week!

School rants

The teacher didn't accept any of my tardy work :( Oh well. I've got more tardy work for my other class that the teacher is actually accepting so I'm thrilled. Which I'm almost entirely caught up on.. especially this terrible outline. Why am I hating this thing so much? It's not all that bad.. ah.

Chicago finally had some spring like weather! I slept for most of it due to a cold but I did go out and got some much needed food shopping done!

Back to the salt mines of homework and studying.

Good morning

I didn't get up at a decent time to go to my doctor appointment today. It's at RIC to get my awful leg braces fixed but because it is currently.. oh 11 degrees outside and my ankles alone feel like they're about to break. I'm not that fat, thank you very much, I'm just simply not up to it.

Good grief, can you say Seasonal Affective Disorder? Yep.

I had a dream yesterday that woke me up - apparently it was some sort of trip filled with a car, my parents [beloved dad was alive], stealing and court. So, I woke up and called mom immediately because she had court to go to yesterday.. She's still not in jail. Yay. She goes back April 2.

The other night I went to Dominicks and spent a surprising $50. NO junk! Just 2 cases of water, 2 boxes of honey nut cheerios [on sale for $2!], 2 bananas, milk, some health bars, grapes, 6 fruit cups, Organics bean & cheese burritos.. I think that's it. I was proud of myself for no junk food. So I had a proper breakfast that I haven't had in AGES.. A bowl of honey nut cheerios, a banana and a nice big cup of Joe.

Today I'm finally getting off my ass and heading to my physical science class and hopefully the teacher will accept all my tardy work.

Homework catch up

I finally caught up with my physical science homework! Aye. I thought I'd never finish.

Couldn't sleep all that well last night. My mind wouldn't shut up and kept paying more attention to playing a free cell game on my iPod than going to sleep. Eventually I fell asleep sometime after 9 or 10am and woke up again around..3pm.

Tonight as I mentioned already, I caught up with my physical science homework and then Lisa and I started doing some major cleaning - actually she started and then I joined in because we were initially looking for an adapter for my Comcast cable box..that I forgot to send back last year. I called via relay and asked if I'll still get my left over credit once I finally do send back my box... sure enough I'll get a lovely $12.51. Not a lot but hey, every little bit helps a poor college kid like myself!

I think my place looks worse when it should be looking better! HA! It will, later. :)

More Reba & Kelly.....

View a bunch more at my flickr account here. In other news, apparently the Chinese food that Lisa and I ordered on Friday night didn't keept well.. Poor girl threw up and I'm just making bathroom trips at the moment.

Oh well. The joys of Chicago.. we got more snow. Dangit.

Kelly & Reba in Rockford!

Kelly Clarkson & Reba McEntire! I took this photo, along with a thousand others on Saturday February 9, 2008.

The plan was to head out with Yesina, Andy and Lisa. Yesina would drive, and we'd attend the concert.. Andy & Lisa would drive around Rockford for a while and pick us up when it was over. Scratch that plan because Yesina's mom doesn't trust her driving out that far. (It's about an hour and half drive from Chicago).

The concert is Saturday and I'm just now being told this info on Thursday night. I went to Yoga that night and slept over at Lisa's. Friday we spent most of it sleeping. I was very sore as I haven't gone to Yoga in a while. A lot of it was due to the weather and trust me, this weather sends me into a bit of SAD.. I finally got out of bed, and headed out to pay my rent and wait for the bus. When I finally got home, I went on the internet to search for a way out there. I know we can only take the bus but Amtrak.com says I have to get a train ticket in order to get that bus ticket. I went to my trusty VP (video phone - Sorenson Video Phone) to make these calls. It took me two hours to figure out a bus ticket and get a hotel. With the hotel, I tried to get one that would allow shuttle service from the Bus station to the hotel, the hotel to the metro center and later back to the bus station. No shuttle service. I'm told that a cab service won't be too costly.

I paid $100 for a night and I was already feeling the stress from these last minute changes.
Getting bus information wasn't making it any easier! With Amtrak saying I can't order my ticket, I call greyhound and..trust me, everyday I thank God/Goddesses that I can use this VP with interpreters because she told me this person had a terrible accent that was hard to understand.. Plus this person was just being confusing.. I understood that I had to get there an hour before the bus leaves to get my ticket - which by the way meant we had to leave my place at 4am to get there at 5:30am while the bus left at 6:30am..

Lastly, all I wanted to know was where do I go to get these tickets. Of course it was downtown.

Anyway, getting there was a little stressful and very cold.. We missed the bus.. Then it finally came at a quarter to five.. Luckily the train was there was we arrived and basically we were OK. But getting back to the bus station Sunday was terrible.. The first cab I called said that it would be 2 hours before we finally get a cab, no good. Called another cab and they never came. We ALMOST missed our bus! It was about to pull away by the time we finally got there. A woman who worked at the hotel had to drive us because the stupid cab company kept telling me on the phone that they're on the way.

Anyway, now I need to hop in the shower and head to my night class.

Ugh, I suck.

Again, I'm multitasking... Let me just point out that my studying skills? They suck!
Stress like this really does put my ADD in haywire position.

I slept all day avoiding the studying as well as missing school. I do that sometimes.. when I don't feel like I finished enough or whatever..

Aye Aye Aye!

Gone Ruby Red, Hope for Help & Silly Lisa

*sings to the tune of a Tori Amos song..also a line in the song called Take To The Sky*
"I dyed my hair red today..."



Lisa, put my favorite bear, whose name is Hope. Her tag says "Desire" but I preferred Hope. in my basket while I went to get some laundry downstairs.. I took this photo when I came back.. It reminded me of my lovely times in the hospital when I was in the rehabilitation place and this one woman, not me, would always a doll with her and wouldn't do anything til the doll was OK. Anyway..


And Lisa being silly with the socks from the Payless Shoe Source.



View three more?

Woohoo, the Giants won... now off to continue enjoying House.

Tinnitus & Stuff

Last night I had a terrible night with tinnitus, which is ringing in the ears. I'm used to a kind of shushing noise most of the time and other times actual silence but occasionally I'll get one long night with some loud ringing sound that makes it really hard to sleep. Luckily with the impending snow storm going on and already being off from school for a Friday, it didn't mess me up too badly. I eventually fell asleep around 8 or 9am and slept til 2pm and then threw in another three hours. Ha. BUT the point is, I finally got out of this crazy-ass slump I've been in all week! I've been really crabby and blah and on top of school that leads me to being hard on myself, nothing goes right. It's been too cold to work out.. so, yeah.

When I got up, I was finally feeling really good, made a PB&J, picked up my apartment, gathered some laundry.. did my laundry.. While waiting for one load to wash and another machine to free up, I did my dishes.. Put some coffee away. I kept a coffee can from a previous coffee purchase and now when I buy a bag of coffee, I actually dump that in the can and it keeps it fresh. By the time I finished my laundry, even though some of it was a little damp, I didn't care, I figured I'd save my quarters for tomorrow when I do my sheets & blankets that desperately need a cleaning.

My bestest friend Carol in California is going through a ton of tough life stuff and we always chat every two weeks or so on the phone. While I waited for her phone call, I got my math homework done.

Certainly a very satisfying afternoon and evening.

It's always frustrating when I'm hard on myself.. especially with school.. I always think I'm not doing well enough or a paper I wrote isn't good enough. Which then makes the whole getting-out-of-bed very difficult. It's a very obnoxious cycle. VERY obnoxious. My anxiety goes way up and it's this terrible domino effect.

The cool thing with Carol is she went through a program called CHAANGE a few years ago. Yes, two A's. I forget exactly what it all means but the point is it's getting rid of panic attacks and anxiety. I've been real anxious starting school again and used to have pretty chronic anxiety and many panic attacks. I'll admit my panic attack triggers aren't nearly as high but my general anxiety attacks are pretty up there. So she just resent this 30 pound package on Wednesday so I might get it early next week.. It's generally a 15 week program but I don't have to do it at that pace, I can go slower or whatever. The best thing is I'll be able to do this with my therapist and she's really eager to see this as well because, well, she knows I have anxiety as well.

I just want to be in control of everything! HA. Right.

Now, I'm currently blank.. Have a good night!

To blog or not to blog

I have so many blog spots.. LiveJournal, Xanga, and my own at my website that's password protected. It's not like I have anything to hide, it's just the weirdness I guess of todays world.. besides, I tend to think I complain too much. [plus, really, a bad experience that I don't feel like going into]

Anyway, I'm sitting here multi-tasking homework wise. I'm writing a three page paper on my experience at a museum that I went to yesterday on the south side of Chicago. My physical science class has review questions at the end of each chapter and I've got about five more of those. But I'm having a brain freeze finding the answer for it or at least how to write it without copying it word for word.

Realizing I have a very busy day tomorrow.. at 9:30am, I'm going downtown to get my leg braces fixed. I've gotten creative and bought some gel soles to help with the massive pain in my left big toe. That's helped a ton but then of course, my left ankle has a new scratch. And my right foot got a scratch that I'm unsure of when I got it because I never felt it with my shoes and braces on. Then at noon I see my therapist, this will be the first time she sees me in my braces because I couldn't think of what to do when I was having this terrible numbing pain in my toe. Then, I head to school for a class at 2 to 4:30, for my Physical Science class then a break til 6 for my three hour math class.

Trust me, I'll be the one with the coffee in hand.