New Years

I'm not sleeping really well tonight. I had such a productive Sunday and hoped to sleep through the night. Not really happening the way I'd like right now.

I swear to get up in 4 hours and start my day.

I made a list today while I was drinking coffee. Headed off to Target and was able to pick up a new balance ball and a Pilates DVD. I may not be able to do the exercises today but I'll do it when I get home.

After Target, I went to the Dollar Store and got a few more things off my list. A bath mat to put on the kitchen floor. I make quite a mess when I do my dishes. Some more dish towels. Again, I make a mess out of things while I clean. A manicure set for mom, scrubbing gloves to wear while I shower. They feel really good on my skin when it's all soapy. Water because I was thirsty and I feel like I got one more thing but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

It was really nice to feel a bit more centered and focused this afternoon. Of course, it was cold but I dressed right for it in layers. I just felt really good today. Even though yesterday felt like a bummer because I slept A TON and I felt kind of depressed but I couldn't put my finger on that either. Probably for not getting up when I wanted to.

I'm going to attempt to sleep the last few hours that I can and be hopeful this Monday will go well.

Oh yea, before I forget, I think because I was starving and determined not to order out, I cooked some breaded chicken tonight and peas. Unfortunately I had an anxiety attack that lasted for a while. I really made it through the attack though by cleaning and trying to slow down but the shaking did last for what felt like a long time.

OK, back to bed.

Guzzling coffee again

So, I got up an hour ago.. really reluctantly since I turn off my alarm when I set it for.. 8am [it's past 11 now as I'm writing this.] Yes, I'm very behind for the finishing touches. My girlfriend and I made a ton of progress and I vowed to finish it.
I'm also playing on the eMac my girlfriend and I traded.. She's taking the iMac, I'm taking the eMac. Wow! I have a bigger screen! It's pretty wild on this eMac.

So, I'll take some pix of my progress and.. hey, it's fun Shannon! Get the kids to do it, they'll learn to love it at some point :D

I'm actually nervous but since the current manager was finally Fired, there's a little less tension in the air.

Tinnitus & Stuff

Last night I had a terrible night with tinnitus, which is ringing in the ears. I'm used to a kind of shushing noise most of the time and other times actual silence but occasionally I'll get one long night with some loud ringing sound that makes it really hard to sleep. Luckily with the impending snow storm going on and already being off from school for a Friday, it didn't mess me up too badly. I eventually fell asleep around 8 or 9am and slept til 2pm and then threw in another three hours. Ha. BUT the point is, I finally got out of this crazy-ass slump I've been in all week! I've been really crabby and blah and on top of school that leads me to being hard on myself, nothing goes right. It's been too cold to work out.. so, yeah.

When I got up, I was finally feeling really good, made a PB&J, picked up my apartment, gathered some laundry.. did my laundry.. While waiting for one load to wash and another machine to free up, I did my dishes.. Put some coffee away. I kept a coffee can from a previous coffee purchase and now when I buy a bag of coffee, I actually dump that in the can and it keeps it fresh. By the time I finished my laundry, even though some of it was a little damp, I didn't care, I figured I'd save my quarters for tomorrow when I do my sheets & blankets that desperately need a cleaning.

My bestest friend Carol in California is going through a ton of tough life stuff and we always chat every two weeks or so on the phone. While I waited for her phone call, I got my math homework done.

Certainly a very satisfying afternoon and evening.

It's always frustrating when I'm hard on myself.. especially with school.. I always think I'm not doing well enough or a paper I wrote isn't good enough. Which then makes the whole getting-out-of-bed very difficult. It's a very obnoxious cycle. VERY obnoxious. My anxiety goes way up and it's this terrible domino effect.

The cool thing with Carol is she went through a program called CHAANGE a few years ago. Yes, two A's. I forget exactly what it all means but the point is it's getting rid of panic attacks and anxiety. I've been real anxious starting school again and used to have pretty chronic anxiety and many panic attacks. I'll admit my panic attack triggers aren't nearly as high but my general anxiety attacks are pretty up there. So she just resent this 30 pound package on Wednesday so I might get it early next week.. It's generally a 15 week program but I don't have to do it at that pace, I can go slower or whatever. The best thing is I'll be able to do this with my therapist and she's really eager to see this as well because, well, she knows I have anxiety as well.

I just want to be in control of everything! HA. Right.

Now, I'm currently blank.. Have a good night!