Withdrawal Pains

I've been on Cymbalta for.. a few years and I have very few complaints but.. when you run out of cymbalta, that's a different story.

So, that's basically what happened, I ran out of it and was doing fine until today the withdraw symptoms just reared it's ugly head. It just a crappy day filled with dizziness, tiredness, weakness.. my thoughts weren't clear.. everything was just crashing.

But now Cymbalta is also known to be given for neuropathy.

Finally I had to make a call to my neurologist to let them know if the Lyrica was working.. I made the call.. a few hours later the doctor called me back. I told him that the Lyrica's working and learned I can take three during the day if I wish to because I was having a lot of pain the night before but already took my second pill and was debating taking a third. I told him that I ran out of Cymbalta and he immediately asked if he wanted me to make a call.. I definitely said yes and a few hours was given my Cymbalta back.

Apparently my psychiatrist was out of town. Well, gee, thanks for the note.

Just, physically and mentally, I was losing it. I went to the store and thought I was going to pass out at some point.. Tonight I am very tired and should be sleeping right now.. and I will be signing off as I have another doctor appointment tomorrow to get a picture taken of my eye.

Luckily I was starting to feel better around 9:30 tonight when it was maybe two hours after I took cymbalta.

Moral of the story: I HATE WITHDRAWAL PAINS!

Just a doctor, doctor, summer..

I know that might seem alarming or maybe even depressing but that is certainly my summer so far.

Today I went back to the Illinois Eye Institute for another, different, eye exam. I guess I misunderstood them when I thought they said they would dilate me this time.. I could've sworn I heard that but maybe something went wrong during that communication process.

They didn't dilate my eyes after all. They did a color test and a field of vision test. I did fine in both. They weren't too painful.

This is what I wasn't able to get all that clear the last time I was there -- I just wasn't understanding how to question the 'there's a scar.. somewhere.. related to my right eye.' The point of that was the nerve that is in your eye, or more in point, my right eye, and that connects to the brain.. that is more paler than the rest of my eye or compare it to my left, it's more paler. So basically blood flow isn't that good either. We're betting that this happened from the Meningitis. The reason for all these wacky tests is better to be safe than sorry. On friday, I get to go yet again and they will dilate my eyes and they'll take a lovely picture of it. That should be interesting. I wonder if I can get a copy?

After that was decided, I told Dr. Quann that I did see Dr. Shepard of Neurology. Told him, he said I have neuropathy. He gave me a referral to have an MRI done of my head (I think I've now officially had an MRI on almost every near-area of my body..) He also said to start requesting my medical records from when I was a patient at John Hopkins Bayview in Baltimore.

I was a little surprised by that as my primary at Northwestern said it would be difficult, if not impossible to receive said documents because I was a patient for so long. But I'll take a chance and see what comes up.

I picked out my new glasses.. and oddly enough, they won't be new. At least the frames won't. Apparently I picked the exact same pair I had on! Now that was funny. But still.. with Illinois Public Aid, it's going to take.. about two months. So when I start the fall semester, I might have them by then. Same goes for my hearing aids I believe.

Tomorrow I go downtown to Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago to get my leg braces fixed.. I hope we come up with solution to makes these feel less like combat boots and make them feel like actual shoes I can wear during the summer!

Then while I'm in the area, I'm going to get my referrals filled - one for the MRi and also see a pain specialist that Dr Quann also referred me to.. And they may even be able to alleviate my pain.. sometimes I have bad days or nights, sometimes not so difficult.. but I'm sick of just putting up with it.

The other thing for me, is even though I'm going to a million doctors lately, I finally feel like I'm thinking clearer and its not all going through my mom. Be that it took practically 6 years, its better than never. During the beginning of my recovery out of the hospital, all of my doctor appointments were accompanied by my mom. There's nothing wrong with that as I do invite her to a few appointments now a days, but before, doctors were telling her a better and more in depth explanation of what was going on and now I'm finally being told the full story and not given the short end of the stick.

Crap, I should be in the shower and on my way out the door in ... oh about five seconds. I'm just not moving too fast... I'm enjoying my coffee, finished my cereal and now my to do list is starting to bunch a wall.. it's not a bad to do list, just your daily needs and yet I'm sitting here typing. pfft.

Gone now.

Ugh

I'm sitting here with my Angel bear Hope.. I didn't have any proper meals today at all. I grabbed a banana nut muffin on the way to an appointment, then several hours after, I had some chips and dip. Apparently, I'm not feeling well from that.. Not even an hour after having those chips and dip, my tummy spit it out with diarrhea. So of course I'm feeling a bit crappy tonight. After that bout in the bathroom, I conked out for four hours, then another four after that.. boy my sleep is screwed.

My day wasn't too much of a downer though.. I sold my keyboard.. I never use it like I wish I would.. so I made $40 out of that.

And on late sunday night I got an iMac! It's nothing of the brand new variety but I've wanted a back up computer in case anything goes wrong with my iBook. Of course, while I spend my last two semesters going bonkers and freaking out over studying with a huge desire to PASS everything.

.. I want chocolate... :)

A long story and stuff.

While my girlfriend, Lisa is sleeping.. I've decided to upload some photos.. Shannen, my.. cousin [not sure how this all works.. your dad is my moms first cousin.. he's my second.. what does that make you? Nothing? NEVER!] And her lovely husband made some shelves for her, I mentioned that I should upload some photos of my CD shelves.. and the wonders of a dollar. Yes, folks, you can get something for a dollar!



A few years ago before a yard sale here at my building, I spent the entire night going through over 200 CDs, taking them out of their cases as well as the artwork and putting them all in those big CD books. And then one day, starting a few months ago.. I got a little crazy and made this.

Interestingly enough, I surely did not sell them all.. One thing I noticed is I can put all the goodies I want in these little squares but the problem is keeping them there. So I went to Walgreens and realized they had the perfect size little bins to put stuff in and organize those CD shelves! Voila:



Here's some more fun:



Those little bins sell for four for a dollar and come in clear, white and silver colors. As well as several other sizes.



These bright colored cable ties, I got at the dollar store are great for things that you don't use too often or need to unravel too often because once you've got something "tied' you have to cut it.. So the alternative to something computer cords, your webcam or camera reader.. etc is this one below:



That has velcro and that's great for things you use often.

The other day I went with Lisa to her doctor appointment. She's deaf and for the first time, I think, she's requested an interpreter at her appointment. She usually had her son go with her. Now, I wasn't born and raised in Deaf Culture, but if and when I ask for an interpreter, I always hope for a really smooth signer. A few I've seen and even had myself, were not too smooth. But they need the job and they're learning and I give them credit.. I'm just glad I was there. I've been to soooo many doctor appointments since getting Meningitis that I hate to have any confusion or uncertainty for any one else.. Even if it's just a check up. I just want it to go smoothly.. It did.. I just jumped in occasionally when I noticed the interpreter not making the right connections with what Lisa was saying ..

If I'm being confusing, I apologize, but I realize as I'm typing this that it might be because I'm used to her and her signing but then again I'm a bit of a smart alec and tend to push for my way..

The long off point is, on the way there I took some interesting photos while going through the alley:

The Home Stretch

I am finally two semesters away from graduating from College! I'm working for an Associates just so I can finally feel like I've made it through school.. and I think I'll transfer to a University to get a Bachelors in Social Work.

I registered for two classes this fall - Biology 119 and Math 118. I'll be going Monday's and Wednesdays with three days off to kick my butt into a good little student and actually do well on exams.

During the spring semester I'll take two more classes - Psychology 221 and Astronomy 101 or something.... and finally, finally, finally get a degree in my hands!

I am seeing a Neurologist tomorrow.. or today being it's almost 2am when I'm writing this... hopefully this guy will help with a bunch of nerve-y pains and sensations that I've gotten on and off for the last 6 years and I've about reached my breaking point of dealing with it.. Help please would be nice... wish me luck.

Doctor, doctor

I went to the eye doctor on Wednesday. I have a scar on my right eye..somewhere. It's funny because I'm always saying "my right eye is stronger" when during this test I realized.. it isn't. My left eye was obviously stronger. But then when I learned
about the scar, it all made a bit of sense. We just don't know if it's from the bacterial meningitis or the fact that I was born nearly three months premature. It's nothing that I want to get too concerned about - even though I have to go back on the 25th.

I already have such a busy doctor summer.. Kind of depressing but remember, I AM OK so it's not like I'm trying to find out why my stomach hurts or something. I am seeing a neurologist on Thursday.. I've had problems in terms of nerves or weird sensations for the last 6 and a half years and it's really getting annoying this year. Mom wants to come, she wants to see what they say.. I'm going to have her sleep over since I can never trust her to meet me anywhere at a specific time.

Everytime I call her, I have to let it ring more than 6 times. She's figured out that collectors call and by 6 rings, they hang up. If it's more than 6, she knows it's not them. Anyway, I've been trying to call her on and off everyday because we've been wanting to meet but.. she doesn't answer.. and I can't always get up the courage to face the house. It's such an embarrassing mess.. I can't stand it.

Obviously today was fathers day.. I miss my dad. He was a cool guy to say the least. Despite the hardships we had, I do have some great memories of him and I can't list them all or I'll just cry.

Tomorrow I have to go to school, finish the financial aid thing they need and try to register for some fall classes. I have a few in mind and hope I can get them all in as well as keep my Fridays off again.

Yet I just cry about it..

I had the hardest time getting to UIC today.. it was another dr appointment with a different plastic surgeon.

Being hard of hearing is really difficult.. I had a hard time hearing him - what is with these surgeons? Do they get together and work on speaking so terribly? I requested an interpreter when I made this appointment two weeks ago.. And then I sat in the waiting area for over an hour before finally being called in.

I don't know why but the word "defeated" keeps coming to mind and that's not what it is - is it?

The appointment was okay.. as long as I wasn't photographed like I was last time I guess that's a plus. But he basically said that I have to pick one thing that I want to be changed.. the first thing being the "shark bite" in my shoulder.. I don't have any pictures unfortunately.. but if I decide on that then he can go in depth about how he would do this.. What the recovery time would be like.. etc

There were mentions about physical therapy to try to get some muscles in my legs working.. [I think?]

The thing I had a difficult time understanding was not getting at least a general picture of what he could do for me and then zoom in on specific areas.. I just didn't get anything that said "yes I can help you".. it just felt more like "I can't help you."

As soon as the door closed I just started to cry. The nurse was nice to explain what I wasn't getting which was this appointment was like a consult and he could go into more specifics when I pick one thing.

Getting the bus was terrible from downtown. Why the hell the site didn't say to go to Michigan Ave is beyond me - instead it told me to get the #4 at Washington & State. Anyway, getting back home was of course easier than getting there.

After rushing to the Belmont bus, Lisa told me about going to her cousins for some drinking and playing chess. I just didn't want to go.. I was in no mood to be social.. So she came by to get some money and decided to not go to the little gathering anyway and actually let me cry this time.. I told her it did help this time to not be told to 'stop crying' and actually have her hold me and let me vent.

When I finally felt better, we went to Dunkin Doughnuts for a bagel and some pop. I'm running out of money really quickly and that's just depressing.. but I didn't have a lot here anyway.