oh yea.. cus i'm cute.

Lots of stuff...

Currently there's some kid SCREAMING... Oh wait she stopped for now.

Right now I'm hanging out at the good ol' Apple store on Michigan Avenue. Man, I want one of these fancy smancy machines!!


Anyway, I've had a ton going on lately. I was in an accident the other day. All is well, I'm fine. I don't have any marks thankfully! I expected a big bruise on my forehead but nothing!


I've been at Northwestern Memorial Hospital that's behind the Apple store since 9am. I had one cup of coffee from Au Bo Pan.. I don't know how to spell it but I also got a Pecan Roll. Yum yum. I'll enjoy that in a little bit. Silly me, I forgot to pack myself a lunch.

My health is fine for the most part. I'm finally exercising a bit more. I went swimming on Monday, that felt really good. I even did some running in the water and that really got my skin warm. On Tuesday, I was supposed to go to Physical Therapy but I didn't because of the accident. So I went home and conked out for four hours! I just wanted a short nap. Therefore, sleeping Tuesday night wasn't all the smooth.

Wednesday I took it easy since the junk in my chest was bothering me as well as my back.

Today is my doctor appointment.. and eventually physical therapy and THEN.. yoga.

I'm so proud of myself for following through most of my scheduled activities because I tend to easily turn it down. I'll make some sort of excuse and not follow through. Which then leads to tons of guilt when I go to bed. I'll toss and turn because I didn't do what I said I would do. I'm really working on changing that this year.

I took some pictures of my recent meal creations. Those photos are on my camera and I haven't uploaded them yet.

I have to head back to the hospital at 1:30 and I'm already restless. The joys of coffee! I didn't drink some when I got up, I actually didn't feel like making it! How crazy is that??

I'll update more as things come along.

Emotions.

A few emotions came up today during my morning group that I've been going to for a few months.

The leader was mentioning certain events coming up. One she announced was a social for deaf GLBT. That alone upset someone in the group. That person just didn't want to hear anything about GLBT. They kept making it known. It really upset me. Apparently this person has a tendency to be paranoid.

The second announcement was a different event and trying to figure out where it was. It was noted that it was near where Kiddie Land was, even though it's been shut down but it's very close to that location. That just brought up some painful memories. Yes, it's sad that Kiddie is no longer there but the last time I went there was after I was punched by my ex. I was in such a fog of emotions that day. I'll probably never forget it.


I bought a t-shirt from Hot Topic last night that I can't wait to wear with PRIDE. I'm embracing who I am slowly but surely. It certainly makes me feel better in more ways than one. I'll have to take a picture of myself when I get it in the mail to show it off.

I'll relax and find a way to let off some steam. I'll go swimming later. I have to get my stuff since I didn't bring it with me this time. I meant to but I was in a hurry to making it to group on time.

Am I missing anything?

If you have a blog and would like me to read it, let me know! I'm trying to keep everything in sync and accessible otherwise, I'm likely to forget about it. That's just a fact for me. If it's out of sight, it's surely out of my mind. So, be heard! Be read!

LIFE
IS
GOOD.
....and I don't say that often!

?

Crap. It's almost 4am. I should be asleep! I've been in such a rut tonight.

I failed classes. I can't register again. After the new year I'll try to have it figured out.

I feel really lost. So incredibly lost.

Even though nothing really changes immediately.. I still live in the same place but no job, probably no school.

I have no idea what I'm going to be doing next.

I've forgotten how to dream.

Any ideas would be very much appreciated.

You Got the Message

Someone read my complaint
to you
Instead of fight or frown (or even defend)
You smile
And Joke endlessly
Just so I know
"what a joke is"

I puzzle at the timing of
your new attitude
Your tone is still mostly
confusing
Easily misleading

I crack a smile.

I still remember when
you hit on me

Either way,
I watch my footing.

I've been wanting to write... Really.

I've had a bunch of jumbled thoughts in my head lately. For some reason I just haven't found the will to sit down and sort them all out. I have the means, I have the words.. but, boy the act of sitting in front of the computer just hasn't been my first priority. (Or any priority for that matter)

Summer has finally hit Chicago.. Extremely late. I (still) have to register for my math class. (How I hate thee) I promise to do that on Monday.

I finally joined Bally Total Fitness again. I miss swimming, I miss my twice-a-week yoga, I miss my activity. I finally got a great deal through the mail! Sign up for $15.99 and pay $9.99 a month. No contract at all! I can quit when I want to.

If it's possible, I'm going to try to take the class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That way I can also go to yoga those days. I can meet up with Sara after class, somewhere in between, do homework with her, go to my yoga class and then head home! If not then I'll figure something out.. Maybe Monday and Wednesday.. I don't know.

I have to meet with an adviser no matter what because I'm on academic probation for failing math the last semester. Also I need to see where I am standing on my credits. Make sure math is one of the final classes I have to take. I meant to go to school on Friday but it was raining and I couldn't find my student ID. I am well known for putting things in different places.. I am not well organized in the slightest.

What else?

I had a great friend Catrin stay at my place for a while. I met her at Gallaudet 10 years ago! On my birthday I met up with her in Chinatown and she was also with Marlon. Marlon was heading back to D.C on Wednesday. I offered Catrin a place to stay until she heads off to Toronto. When I get back to my apartment, I will work on a photo blog and
incorporate some pictures I took while Catrin was staying here.

I'm so jealous of Catrin traveling around to different places that now I feel is the time for me to start working on what to do with my life. I live monthly from hand-to-mouth. It's nothing I'm proud of. Disability wise, it has been difficult. I have a bunch of mad skills with the computer, fluent in American Sign Language, I can build websites and take great pictures. I've also been to college so that gives me some leverage, right?

It's all a work in process.. and more jumbled thoughts.

In other news, I've been in contact with two different doctors. I'm working on getting a type of laser surgery done for my scars from the bacterial meningitis. The scars left over, look like burn scars. With Obama approving funds for medical research and experiments, this is a great time to try to get something done. I might be able to go to Baltimore this fall sometime and get it done for free.

I had a consultation on Monday at Northwestern Memorial in Chicago but because of my insurance not paying for it {they call it a Cosmetic Procedure so they won't pay for it}.. it sounds like it's going to go a little longer in trying to find a trial or something that can help me get it done for free. Where ever I do go for the surgery, it's going to take a very long time. Because it's an experiment, they have to test a tiny area.. if it's successful then they will do a whole arm. And then small areas, then if that's successful, another arm. It's going to be long. My legs are probably going to take the longest. Other than how long it might take, I'm actually excited. It's going to be a very long process because it takes about six months to notice major improvements.

One of my friends thought this would erase my scars. I had to tell her, no that's not going to happen.. it's just going to improve their appearance. They'll be less bumpy, less red.. depending on where it gets done, that area will hopefully improve. I know nothing can ever erase them but improving them will be better.

If you learned anything from this post.. I hope someone comments!