Tinnitus & Stuff

Last night I had a terrible night with tinnitus, which is ringing in the ears. I'm used to a kind of shushing noise most of the time and other times actual silence but occasionally I'll get one long night with some loud ringing sound that makes it really hard to sleep. Luckily with the impending snow storm going on and already being off from school for a Friday, it didn't mess me up too badly. I eventually fell asleep around 8 or 9am and slept til 2pm and then threw in another three hours. Ha. BUT the point is, I finally got out of this crazy-ass slump I've been in all week! I've been really crabby and blah and on top of school that leads me to being hard on myself, nothing goes right. It's been too cold to work out.. so, yeah.

When I got up, I was finally feeling really good, made a PB&J, picked up my apartment, gathered some laundry.. did my laundry.. While waiting for one load to wash and another machine to free up, I did my dishes.. Put some coffee away. I kept a coffee can from a previous coffee purchase and now when I buy a bag of coffee, I actually dump that in the can and it keeps it fresh. By the time I finished my laundry, even though some of it was a little damp, I didn't care, I figured I'd save my quarters for tomorrow when I do my sheets & blankets that desperately need a cleaning.

My bestest friend Carol in California is going through a ton of tough life stuff and we always chat every two weeks or so on the phone. While I waited for her phone call, I got my math homework done.

Certainly a very satisfying afternoon and evening.

It's always frustrating when I'm hard on myself.. especially with school.. I always think I'm not doing well enough or a paper I wrote isn't good enough. Which then makes the whole getting-out-of-bed very difficult. It's a very obnoxious cycle. VERY obnoxious. My anxiety goes way up and it's this terrible domino effect.

The cool thing with Carol is she went through a program called CHAANGE a few years ago. Yes, two A's. I forget exactly what it all means but the point is it's getting rid of panic attacks and anxiety. I've been real anxious starting school again and used to have pretty chronic anxiety and many panic attacks. I'll admit my panic attack triggers aren't nearly as high but my general anxiety attacks are pretty up there. So she just resent this 30 pound package on Wednesday so I might get it early next week.. It's generally a 15 week program but I don't have to do it at that pace, I can go slower or whatever. The best thing is I'll be able to do this with my therapist and she's really eager to see this as well because, well, she knows I have anxiety as well.

I just want to be in control of everything! HA. Right.

Now, I'm currently blank.. Have a good night!